“Chilly Winds” (1971) – The Osmonds * Written by Lalo Schifrin and M. Charles (Mike Curb) * Produced by Rick Hall * 45: “Double Lovin'” / “Chilly Winds” * LP: Homemade * Label: MGM
In some alternate timeline (Star Trek foreshadowing alert), the Osmonds’ “Chilly Winds,” with its folky arrangement, philosophical lyrics and gorgeous vocals (possibly their finest on record) would have been a stage show staple, right up there with “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother.” In the less pleasant timeline we inhabit, though, the song is an embarrassing poison pill in the famous Mormon family’s history, something they were likely tricked into doing and have quite plausibly blocked from memory. Written by Lalo Schifrin and the pseudonymous conservative (when expedient) MGM president Mike Curb, it appeared as the theme for Roger Vadim’s 1971 movie Pretty Maids All in a Row, accompanying an opening sequence where a teenager (John David Carson) ogles his schoolmates. Cynically salacious, even by sexual revolution standards, the film barely escaped an X rating, depicting Rock Hudson as a high school counselor who has his way with female students (minors) before murdering them. Along the way, Angie Dickinson seduces Carson (a minor), while Telly Salavas, James Doohan (Star Trek‘s Scotty), and William Campbell (Star Trek character actor alumnus) do hapless police investigations. The whole thing glows with inviting, vibrant Star Trek colors and associations, with production and screenplay credited to none other than Gene Roddenberry. John David Carson would later appear as the lead role in the Mormon church-funded short film John Baker’s Last Race (1976), contributing yet another bizarre ingredient to this nightmarish, mixed-moral matrix.